The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
