why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
