a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
