I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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