I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
