I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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