Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
