right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
