careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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