Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
