Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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