is your mom at the bar?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
