A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
