you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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