Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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