Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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