Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
being pregnant is like rehab
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
