margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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