if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
porn star boner night. come get it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
