You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
