dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
