Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
