You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
