Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
