We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
