Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
