I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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