you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize