The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
