Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
