i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
