don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
