Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
