she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
