Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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