he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
