LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
