i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
