how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
