so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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