Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Couch. On fire.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
