U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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