I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
