Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
