Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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