This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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