I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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