I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
