i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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