I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
