im six kinds of drunk right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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