I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
