In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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