Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We need a shit load of segways right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
