i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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