my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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