Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
