I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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