OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
