is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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