Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
