I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
