loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
