I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
