I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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