i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
