Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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