Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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