She is in my trunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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