Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
